I know who I am.

Well tonight, something changed. Something broke through. Something broke free. Last night I asked my team to pray for Bill and I because we were struggling in some ways just because of the leadership calling God has placed in our lives. Just speaking it out that I am a leader changed something inside me. Like speaking it out broke something. Changed something.

I was reminded that because the girls moved to the same base as us and we could finally have worship time together, I was supposed to lead worship tonight. So, we decided to go eat and then worship on the beach. I didn't have any time to prepare or plan, but I think a lot of times that sets you up to hear the sounds of Heaven the most, at least I've found. I am by no means saying that you shouldn't practice your skill, but I think God just uses these situations in my life a lot.

So we finished eating, I picked up the guitar, and began to sing “He is Yahweh”, and then I just encouraged everyone to sing out who God is. And we did that, and I just sang, and all of the sudden I felt a wall break, I felt something change. I felt my voice able to actually sing out, I felt something that was holding me back BREAK. Like it was a physical difference that I could feel, in both the natural and the spiritual.

After that went on for quite awhile, I began to intercede for our team and pray outloud, just for the reality of the cross to burn in our hearts, and for overwelming joy for our team. I was brought to tears quite a few times throughout the worship session just because I could feel the Lord's heart so strongly.

Then I felt God saying I was to sing over someone, I was thinking I was going to sing over the whole team. But then God hightlighted Bill. So I was like, “Bill, this is kind of weird but God told me to sing over you, and bare with me because I've never done something like this before”, and then God just spoke to me, line by line, and I sang it, and I prayed it. I could feel God's heart for Bill so strongly that I began to cry while I was praying, and singing. Bill was sitting in front of me, so I wasn't really able to see if any of what I said rang in his heart. But after I asked Him, and he's like “Kind of! Haha. Ya, you couldn't see me but I was weeping the whole time”.

After I just began to sing about how it's crazy that God speaks through each one of us. And that He wants to, and I just called forth our team in boldness. That they would speak out the things that Jesus is whispering in their ears. And I could feel the Spirit so strongly.

I wish I could put into words all of what happened, but I just can't, I can't. The spirit moved through me in new ways. I have never felt Him like this when worshipping, or quite possibly ever before.

My name is Jacob Cole, and I am leader. And no lies will change that anymore. The gates of Hell can no longer hold me back. I finally, for the first time in my life know my indentity. I know who I am.

Some may ask what I want to be written on my gravestone when I die, and it's this,

“There was no one in all of history that had greater intimacy with Jesus”

I'm running this race to finish first place.

I'm in this to win.  

And so I fell in love

Today, I was headed to a birthday party for all the kids in the Iris orphanage here born this month. So many of the kids here don't even have any idea what day their birthday is, even the ones that are almost grown up. And my favorite, Paulo this amazing little boy who was on one of the trucks, I asked him if I should jump on and come with him, and he said yes. So I hopped on the truck, and grabbed his hand. This little boy has so many health issues, it's unbareable, the doctors here think he may have Aids because of his constant health problems but he has tested negative. He has skin issues, and because of that it seems sort of hard for him to make his eyes open all the way a lot of times. His nose is constanly running to the point that the skin under his nose starts to bleed and get scabbed up Something in the United States we would be almost too disgusted to look at, especially during something like a meal. But that's where I met him, he came to me, sat by me, and become my friend. He gets made fun of a lot because of the way his nose is. But his heart is so gentle and kind, and you can see love in his eyes, and a desire to be loved. To have a Mama and a Papa.

As I rode in the back of the truck with him, holding his hand for the 20 minute car ride, he took his other hand and grabbed my arm, and laid his head on my stomach. And I began to think a lot about this little boy. And how I wish I could just take him home with me. There's so many kids here completely voiceless, they'll never grow up with any parents. They'll never experience what it's like to be loved in the one-on-one setting a child should experience with a parent. And I could feel him connecting to me in that way, and it was breaking my heart, as I started to fall in love with this little boy. In Mozambique the people who are on staff with Iris cannot even adopt the kids here, because the country hasn't been opened up so that people from outside the country cannot adopt. The reason why? Because the church won't step up. They don't really have a heart for the widow, and the orphan. A country like Mozambique so many people haven't even heard of, it hasn't even been on their radar. But if the church was actually doing what it was supposed to be doing, if people we actually wanting to have these amazing kids for their own here in Mozambique, I believe the governental laws would change. What if the church actually fuiled the adoption movement, what if there weren't anymore orphans in the world? What if abortion stopped because mother's knew if they kept their baby there would be loving parents for this little one? But I'm done with these “What if's”, I'm done with thinking about, and dreaming about. Wake up, step up, these little lives are craving love. It's time to stop being selfish and start being selfless. You have a future because Someone was willing to sacrifice their life in the greatest way possible, “no greater love than this that someone would lay down their life for a friend”. Would you do the same?

Later on in the day I had an Aids baby in my arms, and she's the happiest baby I ever did see. But she doesn't have what she needs, a solid home, loving parents. Something so many people could actually give to this little girl if they woke up from the American Dream.

Paulo walked up to me, and with the baby in one arm, and him taking my other hand, we walked toward the beach hand-in-hand. And I realized, I'm in love with these children.

Could you help change the lives of these little ones?

Help wake up America. Help wake up the church.

Leave your American Dreams behind, and pick up the dreams on God's heart.  

Wake up.

I Will Wait. A great song by Ryan Kondo that wrecked my life.

Jesus, the lover of my soul

The one who's in control, when all the world fails me.

Jesus, the one who drawls me near, whose voice I long to hear.

The One who is in me.

On You who calms the seas, on You who loves to speak to me.

On You, I will wait, patiently. 

I will wait, I'll wait to hear You voice

In the midst of this noise. 

You're all I want to hear God. 

And I will wait, as long as it takes

For the silence to break

You're all I want to hear God

Jesus, the lover of my soul

The one who's in control, when all the world fails me.

Jesus, the one who drawls me near, whose voice I long to hear.

The One who is in me.

On You who calms the seas, on You who loves to speak to me.

On You, I will wait, patiently. 

I will wait, I'll wait to hear You voice

In the midst of this noise. 

You're all I want to hear God. 

And I will wait, as long as it takes

For the silence to break 

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

On You who calms the seas, on You who loves to speak to me.

On You, I will wait, patiently. 

The rawness of heart.

I'm learning that if you let just a small lie slip in your heart, it'll take over. Funny that I wasn't even feeling any of this stuff yesterday. So much can change in your heart from day-to-day. But I think I just woke up feeling attacked. I'm learning to lean on God, and it's a lot harder than you think it would be. But every day my prayer is, God let me fall more in love with you than yesterday. Whenever I feel emptiness in my heart I'm always asking God to come and fill the emptiness with His love.

I'm starting to learn how broken I really am, and how desperite I am in need of a savior, and how much I need His love. There's so much crap that comes up in my heart every day, and I know in order to change me all the impurities have to come to the surface, and boy are they COMING TO THE SURFACE.

I guess my prayer in this season is God help me to lean on you, because in reality You are the only one that is strong enough to hold me up. I need to push everything else aside, and learn how to partner with my God who holds my heart like no other ever could or ever should.

I think God's just using my time in Africa to grow my heart like no other time in my life, and He's doing it at such a rapid pace I think it's sometimes hard to handle, and I feel like I'm going to explode.

But. It will be worth it all. I believe it.  

Learning to give up my rights - The Bush-Bush

So this weekend we went to the bush-bush and boy was it an experience. Before we left God started speaking to me, and He asked me a few things. He said, if I took away the people closest to you, if I took away your best friend, if you never saw your family again, and I had you live here for the rest of your life would you still love me, or would you fall back in to your old self? I've noticed so often in my past whenever things got hard, whenever God took away a person that I treasured the most, things when downhill for me. I threw myself back into who I was before, which inturn threw me into a lot of self-hatred. But thinking about it, and actually very scared of actually giving up all my rights and trusting in Jesus, I realized something, we cannot let circumstances define our relationship with Him. Life circumstances will probably always affect us. But they shouldn't affect our relationship with God. So often we get offended when God takes away something we treasured, but we didn't realize He was the one who gave it to us in the first place. Although it's super cliché and over used in the church I responded to what God asked me and said, You give and take away, but still I will say Lord blessed be your name.

So I'm learning I have to come to God with my hands open, He can give and take as He wants. It's painful, but there's so much joy in letting go, and leaning on the Everylasting Arms.

But as I went to the bush-bush I could actually feel the letting go, and how it changed my heart. As we arrived there, and started ministrying to the people, I realized in the West, we don't need a savior. We don't need healing because we have doctors, we don't need God to provide for us, because we have money enough, even if it's just enough to get by. Now does that make our relationship with Him easier or harder? I'm not quite sure. But here, they need Him more than anything, they're all starving, and have so much they need healing for in their bodies. It breaks your heart to see how much they actually need a savior.

I gave my simple testimoney in front of 500-1000 villagers, and told them how I grew up believing I was worthless, and no good, and that no one could ever love me. But when I experienced the love of God the Father, it changed me, and I really experienced love for the first time. I kept it simple and short, and really more than anything wanted to share how much God loved them. I talked to my fellow missionaries afterwards, and they said it was amazing, and went so well. And I was priviledged that God would use me.

As I prayed for the people I started to realize that I really carry the love of Jesus inside my eyes, so I tilted the chin of the ones I was praying for up to me, and I said, “Jesus loves you”, and smiled and looked into their eyes. And you could actually see a change in their countanance, I could actually feel love going into them even though the language barrier was there and they couldn't understand me. Almost all of them, of all ages after praying for them I hugged them, to show them I actually loved them.

Throughout the trip I realized I had given up my rights because of my heart posture, I could actually feel it. I mean how could I love the bush-bush if I hadn't? The living conditions were disgusting, we were hungry, and we were so tired. There were so many bugs, and no power, nothing but a hole that smelled so bad to go to the bathroom in. And yet I was falling in love with this place. In fact I loved it much more then my current “home” at Iris Ministries. And I started to be even more thankful for this place I am living at here at Iris, compared to most of Africa we are living amazingly.

As we journed back from the bush-bush in a packed uncomfortable truck full of close to 30 smelly people I didn't feel tired, I didn't feel gross, I didn't feel unthankful. I felt so thankful, and I began to talk to God and tell Him who He is, to adore Him for who He is. I began to worship Him, and sing to Him and thank Him. And I started to lean on Him even more, and I started to finally fall in love with God. I opened up my Bible and started to read some of Matthew, and when reading about the crowds that came to Him, after being in the bush-bush I could actually picture what that was like, and my prayer for the Word to come alive to me is finally being answered.

Learning to give up your rights will change your life, forever.  

Day Four in Africa

Well!

As you can probably tell by this post I made it to Mozambique. Boy was it a long adventure to get here, 5 days of crazy traveling across the world, from San Francisco, California to Frankfurt, Germany, to Johannesburg, South Africa to Maputo, Mozambique to Pemba, Mozambique. But it was a good adventure!

Africa is nothing like I could have ever imagined, it's much hotter then our research told us, and it's just so mind blowing. I've never been out of America (I've been to Canada, and Mexico), and if culture shock is how you could describe it, I have that times a billion. It's going to take a few weeks to get used to life here. It's so different then anything I could imagine. Definitely an opportunity for some major growth in my life.

The kids here are amazing, and so cute. They love love love to just sit by you, and lay on you, and hold your hand. And ask you for your stuff too. Haha. They're amazing, and I've never seen cuter babies then the ones here.

I'll be going out into the bush Thursday-Saturday most weeks, to share my testimony, and to pray for people, and see Jesus heal them and radically transform their lives. I'm really excited. It's going to crazy.

I want to thank everyone that supported me, and prayerfully supported me. It's an incredible privilege to have you all in my life. Keep praying, and keep speaking into my life, because I can't do it without you.

Words of encouragement sent my way would be a refresher, and are much needed.

Love you all, I'll try to keep you updated!

-Jacob Cole-