This last year has been
quite a journey for me. Just a little over a year ago I finished
staffing a DTS in YWAM Kona, and headed over to YWAM Harrisburg, PA.
I had plans of just working and maybe being involved with YWAM here
and there. I really wanted “real life”, and “normal life”. I
felt as though being completely submerged in YWAM wasn't really that.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't but this is a bit of my journey from the
last year.
You see God has been
teaching me about this thing called Grace, and it's pretty
incredible, and I thought when I found out about Grace it was all
“it”, it had to be all there was. It's all about God's grace, and
striving doesn't get us anywhere. You're either thinking, wow Jacob
you were way off or wow Jacob you had it right on the dot! I think
that's how most of the Church/Christianity is right now. We preach
radical Grace or we preach going after God with our everything, being
super radical which involves a ton of striving. I'm here to tell you
that neither are correct. Just because you've discovered God's grace,
and it feels good doesn't mean you've got it all together. Just
because you're reading the Bible 3 hours a day, fasting weekly, and
evangelism is your life style doesn't mean you've got it all
together.
You see, in my journey of
“normal life” I've made a lot of mistakes, and in my journey to
get closer to God I've definitely hit the moment “where the rubber
meets the road”. I know it's been good for me in the long run but
really hard in the moment. I've been hurt, I've hurt others. I've let
sin get in my way because God's grace “was bigger than that”.
Don't get me wrong! I believe that. I believe God's grace is bigger
than our failures. And I think the cross covers a lot more then any
of us could imagine. But then we start leaning on this crazy Grace,
and that's when our relationship disappears. We don't try anymore, we
don't read the word, we don't set aside time for the Lord. We don't
sacrifice the petty things of the world that are obviously pushing us
further from him just because “it was all done on the cross”. And
I can tell you in the last few months because I've so leaned on this
crazy grace (and only that) and not at all worked to get closer to
Jesus, I felt like I lost Him. I couldn't find Him for a bit there. I
felt so alone, I started to doubt my salvation and I was confused.
But God loves us past all of our doubts, and our loneliness. I
arrived at the point in my journey where I thought if this is where
leaning on crazy grace gets me I don't want it! I'd rather live in a
bubble, I'd rather strive to know God more than feel so distant from
Him.
I've realized that we need
to sacrifice for the Lord. We have to take up our cross and walk with
Him. We can't just “rest” in Him all the time. We need to work at
relationship with Him. What friendship do you not have to work for to
build? If we just sat on a couch together every day and just rested
together where would we be. Relationship takes effort on both parts.
And we don't make sacrifices for the Lord out of religion, but they
come out of the overflow of our relationship with Him, out of love
for Him.
I got to the point where I
had to be radical. Where I had to sacrifice something to get closer
to the Lord. I don't care if you believe that was all done on the
cross or not. I've lived it, and I saw these things that weren't
really technically 'sins' separating me from the Lord. I want to be
radical, I want to be different. If I have to make big sacrifices to
bring me closer to the Lord why not! And when I fail, his CRAZY grace
comes and picks us back up. Balance is a beautiful thing, and it's
something I am now going to try to live my life by now.
Our generation needs to
stop pinning everything as religion. You really think being so
against “religion” really makes you less religious? Judging every
person for their “religious spirit” really gets us anywhere? It's
all about love, and if it wasn't for religion I probably wouldn't be
alive. Because the 'four-walled-church' saved my parents lives. And
ultimately saved mine. I am thankful for religion. I am thankful for
Grace. I am thankful for relationship. I am thankful for love. I am
thankful for the ability to strive to know Jesus more.
So here I am now, changing
my life around a bit, setting aside time for Jesus so that I can know
Him more, giving up things for a long time that are seemingly
“harmless” so that I can get closer to Him. All love offering to
the Man that saved me. The Man that made me feel worth something. The
Man I said I gave my life to. It's all out of an overflow of love for
Him that I now am going to sacrifice things in my life for Him. Call
me religious, that's all right, call me judgmental, that's okay. I
know what I've walked through, and I'm leaving that season behind.
I'm going to be radical from here on out.
